Laid Off: And Building Community Without Keeping Score

"It's all about who you know and that is extremely true when you get laid off."

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In today’s issue, I talk to Xavier Harding about quieting financial anxiety, building community like it’s second nature, and the chain of connections that led to a bookstore hosting his dream event this weekend.

Xavier Harding, now an editor at The New York Times, has that rare ability to make professional spaces feel personal — not by working the room, but by genuinely caring about the people in it.

It’s a skill that’s served him well through several layoffs, most recently at the end of 2024, when he was let go from a marketing role at a nonprofit after more than four years. It was his second layoff.

I met Xavier in a work chatroom in 2012, predating Slack’s reign and long before I understood how rare it is to find someone who moves through professional spaces with so much warmth and ease.

More than a decade later, he’s still one of the best examples I know of someone who builds community without trying too hard. It’s just who he is: someone who actually follows up, actually makes intros, actually remembers the side project you mentioned six months ago.

“Community is currency,” he told me. “I don’t mean your friends and peers are dollar signs — it's not transactional. But some connections lead to your next thing in a small way, some in a big way, and some in no way at all. And they all can mean just as much. Every layoff, I lean on my network, and not just for job leads. Sometimes a talk with a friend will spark an idea, other times it’ll raise your spirits. Talk to people like they’re people, and not like they’re your ticket to the next gig.”

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When you’re chatting with someone, whether it’s at an event or just online, what’s your go-to move to turn a random chat into a real connection? Like, how do you get people to feel like they’re talking to a friend, not just someone networking?

Whether it's a stranger, friend, potential coworker, colleague, whoever, I usually have two goals: One, ask folks questions about themselves and two, listen more than I talk. When people tell you things, take your favorite thing you learned and go deeper on it. If someone dangles an interesting thread in front of you, pull on it. Take genuine interest in their interests.

Do you think LinkedIn is still the best place for people to build community and network? Or are there other spots (IRL or virtual) you'd recommend people check out?

LinkedIn is definitely a good one. I think the answer here is all about knowing your strengths. If you're the type who can meet people easily in person, then meeting folks IRL is definitely a good move. But if you're more introverted, crawling LinkedIn can be just as good in some ways.

Is there a recent moment that being vulnerable or pulling a thread worked in your favor? Led to a genuine connection beyond just networky vibes?

I’d mentioned to friends far and wide that I was considering switching to UX writing and content design. I asked folks in my network if they knew any content designers, and that I’d love to talk with them. I obviously didn’t end going the UX writing route, but the convos weren’t a waste of time, just more jigsaw puzzle pieces to fill out the picture of what it is I wanted to actually do. And a great way to expand the network, genuinely meet new folks and have a fun and friendly conversation.

I think it’s hard for me to pinpoint a specific example because I don’t think of these interactions as transactional. Transactional would be “pulling this thread led to the big score” whereas my usual goal is to have a conversation and see where the conversation takes you. Some convos lead to little bits of info that lead to other little bits of info. Other convos may not lead to a job but a connection who can put you in touch with a connection who can keep you in mind for a thing in the future. All the pieces play a small role in achieving that goal of forming that bigger picture.

One thing you've been really mindful about post-layoff is getting involved with your community. Why do you think that felt so fulfilling and meaningful in the aftermath of losing your job?

I've actually been involved in my community even before my most recent layoff. I give my time to Read 718 where I help kids in the community improve their reading ability. The work I do here is partly to pay it forward, because I know when I was growing up there were people who volunteered their time to offer me similar time, attention and care. But also, I do it partly out of selfishness. I'm proud of the work I do and the jobs I've had, but I don't want my entire identity wrapped up in what I do 9-to-5. I've worked hard on outside-of-work hobbies… ones that don't involve screens or drinking. I've been kicked out of a job enough times to know that no job comes with a lifetime guarantee, and that I can't only be my job. So who am I without the New York Times editor title? Part of that answer is a role model for the kids in my community.

Can you tell me about a time someone came through for you in a way that really stuck with you? Something you think about when you say “community is currency”?

I think the best examples of this I have aren't work examples but life examples, times when "the elders" would mention something and make sure I knew it so that I could go through that life with that knowledge. One example that comes to mind is when a camp counselor I had mentioned Juneteenth in passing to while I was in middle school made me write a paper about it because I hadn't heard about it. Small things like that add up, especially at a young age.

You are a deeply responsible person when it comes to your finances, but you mentioned not filing for unemployment in the immediate aftermath of your layoff. Can you speak to why you think that is?

I'm usually so responsible about finances when I am employed. Maybe I wanted to focus that effort on the job hunt. Regardless, don't be like me. Do better than I did. If I could go back in time, I'd apply for it immediately.

For most people, digging into their state of finances is stressful. But you seem to genuinely enjoy it. Is that a safe assessment? How did you get to that emotional place of being chill with dealing with your money?

I think this started for me around 2017 when I started to make enough money where looking at my outstanding bills — mainly my student loans — started to feel less scary. I was always a frugal person but those outstanding loan bills didn't reflect that. This isn't the case for everyone but, to me, my loans felt like an anchor wrapped around the foot of my joy and peace of mind. It didn't matter how much money I made salary-wise if I couldn't enjoy it. So I decided my new goal was to pay off my loans by age 30. I was 28 at the time. I had just been laid off in November of 2018, but three months later, on February 8th, I got a freelance social media job and paid off my first loan ever with a balance of $511.69. Nice.

What are some of your favorite financial literacy resources?

I love The Broke Millennial books by Erin Lowry. They’re very approachable. The Millionaire Next Door is another favorite of mine in helping us rethink about how we think of millionaires and who can achieve that status. If I had to suggest just one more I'd strongly recommend Ramit Sethi's I Will Teach You To Be Rich. You'd think most personal finance advice would be about making money but many of his principles focus on spending it. The point of money isn't to have the most of it, but rather to shape your life in a way that feels most meaningful to you. This often looks different for everyone: it could be wanting to travel regularly, caring for loved ones or, maybe in the case of your readers, being able to walk away from a layoff unscathed. Ramit's philosophy is that the life you create for yourself should fit you like a glove and that includes how you earn, save and spend money.

What about some of your favorite financial tools for saving?

Anything that's FDIC insured. Honestly, the apps and bank accounts matter less than the habits. I love things like the budget app YNAB or the credit card nerd sections of Reddit but they wouldn't be the first thing I'd recommend to people. What I'd recommend is taking a Saturday to set up an automatic $50 monthly transfer into a savings account named "Puerto Rico" or "Nintendo Switch 2" or "Fuck Bill" (Bill being your boss) and get used to the habit of looking out for Future You with minimal damage to Present You. From there you can scale that $50 up or down as necessary. The best part is once you set it up, you really don't have to do anything, it just happens every month in the background. It's like taking your money to the gym except instead of having to motivate yourself to go to the gym every Saturday, you motivate yourself once and then it happens forever.

Want to give a shoutout to some of the communities that filled your cup while you were unemployed?

Shout out to the friends that kept me sane, the former coworkers who offered ringing endorsements when even I was doubting myself, and for the folks that believe in me even when times are toughest. It can be hard to stay positive during times of unemployment but sometimes a simple kind note or recommendation can mean everything to people going through a job loss. Thanks to all who helped me during my recent unemployment time. It takes a village and you all made me one happy villager.

Speaking of, you organized a Community Game Day that’s happening at an independent bookstore and wine bar in Brooklyn this coming weekend. This all came together thanks to a connection you have in your community.

When I started playing Magic like a year and a half ago, I realized if this game was marketed to me and kids like me when I was younger, I would have gotten into it a long time ago. I’ve wanted to try my hand at showing kids who look like me that games like this are for them, too. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll open a whole store with that mission.

A few months ago, I met Maura Cheeks, the founder of Liz’s Book Bar in Carroll Gardens, at a book event hosted by my volunteering org, and I told her my game store idea. She instantly loved it. Whenever I’d see her, she’d bring it up, and then one day she was like, what if you tried a trial run of your game store idea in the back of LBB? I’m pretty grateful that she’d let me use her space in that way, and on its one-year anniversary of all days.

You can RSVP here.

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